


Your Grace

by CrystalInstinct



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Royalty, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, Fluff, If you squint it's christmassy, Love at First Sight, M/M, Musician Gavin, No Angst, Porn With Plot, Ryan the Duke, Ryan-centric, Short, Smut, Some Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-17 02:13:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13066992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrystalInstinct/pseuds/CrystalInstinct
Summary: Sometimes all it takes is a glance over a room, a song performed to a crowd, a dark library in December, a warm bedroom, a sunrise to fall in love. From the first time their eyes lock Ryan can't get Gavin out of his mind. Can an aspiring musician fall in love with the duke or can a duke step out of the shadows into the light?





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying my best to shake myself free from the hell that is writing a long fic so I decided to do a short story inspired partly by all the royal-themed movies I've been watching in December. It turned out to be longer than the 5k I thought originally, it's 10k without the epilogue as I've yet to write that. It's going to be 3 chapters + epilogue and I'll be publishing all of it this week, aka the week of Christmas, as some sort of a Christmas fic-gift for y'all. It's not really all that focused on the holidays, just a few mentions here and there but it's the thought that matters. 
> 
> As I've been struggling with low interaction levels on my long fic I'm starving for some validation. So if you like this story feel free to leave a comment or kudos down below. Otherwise I'll see you around! <3

It had never been Ryan's comfort zone to sit in the upholstered chair at the front of the crowd. Nevertheless, he sits with the posture of a man who knows his place and the authority his title commands.  
   
The tall windows, draped with luxurious red velvet curtains, are dark telling him it's already quite late. The first of the winter performances is underway, a mundane celebration on the talent in the region he governs. It's not like Ryan doesn't appreciate talent and the magic a good performance can exude but this evening had been nothing more than a bore. His eyes remain focused on the dancer in front of him, but his mind is elsewhere. How he longs for the evening to be done so he can retire to his private bedchamber for some needed rest.  
   
Yet another mediocre ballerina twirls in front of the crowd in the lavishly decorated ball room, desperately trying to seem like she's not terrified. Ryan sees behind the mask. One of her twirls misses the beat and he suppresses his sigh. How utterly unimaginative and boring.  
   
The duchess beside him, his wife he reminds himself, can't seem to take her eyes off the ballerina. Ryan knows better than this, her posture so familiar after all these years trapped in the same house. The tick of her fingers against the upholstered armrest, the way her breath is unnaturally stable as if she's focusing on it. She's bored out of her mind.  
   
The crowd murmurs behind him as the ballerina finally stops and takes a bow. He claps with the rest of them as she straightens and is escorted to the side and through the side door. He makes a mental note of never inviting her again.  
   
The duchess leans over, her cleavage apparent in her new gown imported from Paris. Her curls roll over her shoulder as he leans over to meet her.  
   
"What an absolute disgrace." She murmurs in his ear and he nods. "Those were ten minutes of life I'll never get back."  
   
"Seems like we agree on something." He says and the duchess smiles before straightening herself and motioning for another glass of wine.  
   
Ryan leans back in his chair, stretching his legs out as he takes in the crowd around the room. "Only the closest of friends" they had said and, yet he's surrounded by people he couldn't care less.  
   
"Your Graces, ladies and gentlemen. Invited by her Grace the Duchess, the last performance of the night, Sir Free."  
   
Ryan sits straighter in his chair as he watches the crowd to see this new performer. The name's not familiar to him and judging by the look of the people in the room, not to a lot of others. The duchess leans closer beside him.  
   
"Sir Free is a talented new musician." She whispers as people are ushered away from the grand piano in the room. "He's apparently very good."  
   
He hums and watches a younger man appear from the crowd with sheet music in his hands. His suit is tailored and dark in the light from the chandeliers and his hair light as early morning rays of light. Sir Free takes a bow in front of the grand piano and seats himself behind it as the crowd applauds.  
   
As the first note springs free Ryan feels a mesmerizing pull. The crowd around him hushes but he doesn't notice as his soul dances along to the song. His eyes are drawn to Sir Free, quiet and focused as he sways along to the music his fingers tap out. The furrow of his brow deepens as the music constricts around Ryan's chest as Free plays and plays him higher and higher.  
   
He swears its hours later when the last of Frees notes ring and echo in the silent room leaving behind him a dazed silence. The roar of applause around him shakes him free and he joins in still dazed from the magic the man behind the grand piano conjured.  
   
He watches Sir Free seem to awaken, almost startled by the applause and he locks eyes with him. He feels a pull towards him, a strange feeling deep within him as he stares into those eyes across the room. His breath is hard in his chest and he needs to talk to him, needs to make him explain what just happened.  
   
"I told you so." The duchess laughs and shakes his arm breaking his eye contact. She's beaming beside him, cheeks red and a wide smile on her face.  
   
"Huh?"  
   
"I told you he's good." She repeats before clapping his arm and standing up to join the crowd.  
   
Ryan turns around, his eyes expecting to find Free behind the grand piano, but the space is empty. He scans the room without luck and stands up and waives frustrated at the people bowing around him. He walks over to his steward standing by the doors.  
   
"Your Grace?"  
   
"Did you see where Sir Free went? I'd love to have a word with him." He says and watches him bow and leave to find the elusive man.  
   
The crowd lingers and mingles around him, but he chooses not to engage with any of the discussions around him in earnest. To be honest his mind still reels from the music, and he's not sure what to make of it. He doesn't remember feeling that light once in his lifetime and as his gaze lingers on the duchess laughing across the room he cannot help but to feel a shadow of bitterness about it.  
   
The wine in his glass is almost all gone and although he's not much of a drinker he apricates that he has something to do with his hands. His collar itches around his neck and he remind himself of taking the issue up later with his servant. Maybe he should buy another, he muses as he watches the other men around the room hover around the ladies, catching at least one of them fidgeting with his collar.  
   
The duchess laughs and leans against her lover. Ryan sips the remains of his wine as he watches the pair. He knows he shouldn't know but he does. Oddly it had never bothered him before, the duchess and his only interactions had been years ago to produce heirs to the title. Since then he's been more pleased than ever to see her happy again. He just wishes things would've been different, that maybe their marriage hadn't been just an arrangement without any compatibility.  
   
"Your Grace?" His steward appears beside him and bows. "Sir Free is in the library sir."  
   
"Thank you." He says and makes his way out of the room unnoticed as the duchess' laugh echoes in the hallway.  
   
His steps echo as he walks the familiar path down to the east wing where the library's situated. These hallways and galleries seem so much smaller now than they did when he was a small child, running after his sisters. The bust of his ancestor doesn't scare him anymore as he walks past it remembering having a fright every time he passed it in the darkness all those years ago.  
   
He pushes open the heavy oak door and enters the library. The towering bookcases along the walls are dark in the dimly lit room as he walks towards the center of the long room where he can see Sir Free inspecting the books he left on the reading table earlier tonight.  
   
"Sir Free." He greets and watches the other man jump and bow. "I hope I didn't startle you."  
   
"You've got a light step Your Grace." Free responds with a sheepish smile. Ryan laughs as he reaches the table and looks at the books. "You've got a wonderful collection."  
   
"I find it still lacking." Ryan confesses. "I'd love to get my hands on more on astronomy and biology. I've already read all these."  
   
"Really?" Free asks him with a curious glimpse in his eyes.  
   
"Is that surprising to you?" Ryan asks with a small frown.  
   
"My apologies Your Grace-" he smiles almost sheepishly "-but all lords and ladies I've ever met have never cracked open any of their vast collections."  
   
"You met many lords and ladies?" Ryan asks curious about the man. His suit's well-made and yet he lacked the cadence of the aristocracy.  
   
"My share." Free smiles. "I've preformed for a few of them. Always found most of them utterly exchangeable."  
   
"What about me?" Ryan asks not sure why those words left his mouth or why he cares so much of his answer.  
   
"Your Grace I shouldn't-" His guest says with hesitation, his eyes darting from Ryan's eyes to his lips if only for a second.  
   
"You haven't spared your thoughts before, don't stop now." Ryan cuts him off.  
   
Free looks at him for a while. His eyes are a shade of green Ryan's not seen in a while, a marvelous and somewhat mischievous look in them that made his insides twirl. The light of the candelabra on the desk between them casts shadows on his face, flickering and animating it with golden tones.  
   
Ryan's not sure when he started to hold his breath, but his chest is tight as he watches Free open his mouth to speak.  
   
"There's something about you that I can't place." Free begins with a flicker in his eyes. "You're not like the others, not quite. You seem like one of the intellectual ones, the ones who see behind the masks, the ones who constantly seek out more knowledge."  
   
"Go on."  
   
"You carry your title on you. There's a heaviness on your shoulders that comes from hardships. I've heard the rumors about the duchess and judging by how you two interacted I think you know them to be true. You don't seem to mind her seeking pleasure from another man, in fact you don't seem to object to it at all. It's like-"  
   
"Like what?"  
   
"You seem happy for her." Free finishes that same concentrated frown on his face. His eyes dart around his face, curious and deep, taking him in.  
   
"Is that what puzzles you?" Ryan asks his breath tight in his chest as he tears his eyes away from Free. He paces closer to the fire roaring in the fireplace in the middle of the room, lacing his fingers behind his back. His heart beats like a stampede of horses.  
   
"Yes." The voice behind him is steady and curious and he can feel Free's eyes on him.  
   
"The Duchess and I struggled with our incompatibility for years." Ryan starts although the words are clumsy in his mouth. "Although she birthed me four heirs, we both knew that it was out of necessity instead of actual mutual feelings of affection. After the birth of our youngest we sat down and talked. I won't lie that it was easy but in the end, we were both on the same page."  
   
"That being?"  
   
"She loved another man." Ryan shrugs as he looks into the dancing flames of the fire. "And I cared more about her happiness and thus the happiness of our children more than I did of my own."  
   
"That's the part I didn't understand." Ryan turns to look at Free who seems lost in his own thoughts. "All the others, they all struggle with the power dynamics, the jealousy, the doubt. But you seem genuinely happy for her."  
   
"It's because I am. She and I never loved each other like that. I'll always care for her as the mother of my children but that soul crushing love? That was never there."  
   
Free locks eyes with him, scanning his face for something Ryan didn't know. The silence in the room linger around them as Ryan tries to still the swirling in his stomach.  
   
"Care for a drink?" He asks after a while growing uncomfortable under his gaze and motions to the couches by the fire.  
   
"Sure, Your Grace." Free moves slowly to take a seat in one of them, leaning forward resting his arms on his knees as Ryan pours them two glasses of whiskey. He hands one of them to Free and his fingers brush up against Free's. His fingers are warmer than his and Ryan feels a fire roar up his hand. He manages to sit down in the other couch throwing his leg over the other sipping the drink trying his best to ignore the way that touch had made his heart race.  
   
"Can I ask you a question in return?" Ryan asks.  
   
"Of course, Your Grace." Free asks sipping the amber liquid in his glass. There's grace even in the way he moves here, Ryan marvels. Those long fingers, those skilled hands seemed more stable than the entire continent, confident and lean holding his drink.  
   
"The song you performed. I haven't heard it before."  
   
Free smiles and almost seems to shy away from his gaze.  
   
"That's because it's my own writing Your Grace."  
   
"I must say it's the greatest song I've ever heard." Ryan confesses foregoing any shyness. Free looks at him trying to see if he's earnest, and he finds no doubts. Ryan's never been surer about anything else in his life.  
   
"You flatter me Your Grace." A shade of pink shades Free's cheeks as if he's never heard or believed those words before.  
   
"It's Ryan." Ryan replies watching Free snap his eyes to his.  
   
"You sure that's appropriate Your Grace?"  
   
"I hear that all the time anyway-" Ryan laughs "-and it's Ryan behind closed doors. Between friends. When no one’s around. I'm sure we check all those boxes."  
   
Free's eyes dart around his face, those knowing eyes combing his face for unspoken truths that he doesn't find.  
   
"Ryan." Free breathes as if to test the feel of the name. He smiles at him and sips his drink. "It's only fair to return the favor. It's Gavin."  
   
"Gavin." Ryan says with a smile. "It suits you."  
   
Gavin laughs, and the sound of his laugh fill the room with lightness. Ryan can't help but to look at the man opposite him as he laughs, a sound so pure and light he swears he's lifted for a moment.  
   
"So, Gavin." Ryan says after Gavin stops laughing. "What's up for you next?"  
   
"Nothing really." Gavin says with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "I'm not much of a planner."  
   
"Would you care to play at the Christmas ball at the end of the month?" Ryan asks watching Gavin closely.  
   
"I don't have a piano with me to practice and it's a long way to London and back." Gavin answers hesitantly, his drink loose in his grip but his eyes locked with his.  
   
"You could practice here." Ryan breathes as if careful not to break the air around them. "I'm sure we can find you a room either here or in town. That's of course if that's fine with you."  
   
The door behind him opens and just like that the air does break. Ryan turns around to see his wife walk in apparently surprised to find them here. He stands up and hears Gavin stand up behind him.  
   
"Oh, did I interrupt something?" She says mortified but Ryan motions her to come closer.  
   
"It's alright. I was just talking to Sir Free about the Christmas ball."  
   
"You did?" She smiles and joins him by his side her gown swaying with her step. "I hope you've agreed. Your music was the greatest gift and it would be absolutely divine if you could perform again Sir Free."  
   
"You're too kind Your Grace." Gavin smiles with a small bow. "Your words are unnecessary, I've already agreed to the dukes invite."  
   
Ryan looks at Gavin and sees how his eyes glint in the flickering light as his wife claps her hands together in delight. His bones feel electrified as he watches Gavin and sees him cast a glance at him.  
   
"I offered him to practice here-" Ryan says to the duchess motioning to the piano in the corner of the room "-as he doesn’t have a space this far north. I'm sure we can arrange a room for him as well."  
   
"That's so kind of you." She replies. "You know I'm out until the ball, so the noise won't even matter. You know how I get with noise."  
   
After a moment of small talk, she excuses herself back out of the room on the excuse that it's getting late. Ryan hasn't realized how late it actually is and smiles apologetic at Gavin.  
   
"I'm afraid I must be off." Gavin says putting his glass down on the side table looking unsure for a moment before straightening his back and bowing deeper than before. "Your Grace."  
   
"I trust I'll see you around?" Ryan asks ignoring the way the sentiment lingers in his throat. "And that you'll consider my offer of arranging you a room?"  
   
"Of course, Your Grace." Gavin says and the way his lips curl into a smile almost stops Ryan's heart. "I wouldn't want to disappoint you."  
   
"I'm sure you cannot." Ryan answers with a smile lingering on his face that feels so light and airy as he moves to escort Gavin out of the library. They fall into a comfortable step and as they move through the narrow hallway to the hall his shoulder brushes against Gavin’s arm. Ryan wants nothing more than to kiss him, push him against the dark hallway and make him never want to leave. "I'll make sure the help knows you're to be allowed in when you decide to return. They'll help you find your way around here, I know the halls are a nightmare to navigate."  
   
"I'm sure I'll be fine Your Grace." Gavin answers and bows once more as they enter the hall.  
   
Most of the guests are gone already and the two guards by the door are the only souls within an earshot. His body tingles with the urge to reach out and touch Gavin and yet he hesitates and only nods slowly. Gavin's eyes are on his and he wants nothing more than to get lost in that ancient forest. He sees that Gavin wants to say something, so he stands still, his heart beating and heavy in his chest as he waits.  
   
But Gavin closes his mouth and with one final bow he's out of the door and Ryan stands in his hall alone. That feeling is somehow more emphasized than before and he breathes heavy before he bids his goodnights to the guards and makes his way slowly towards his own private chambers.  
   
Throughout the night and the early morning all he can think about is the way Gavin's face lit up when he laughed and how breathless he felt when his eyes locked with his. All he wants, and needs is for Gavin to come back.


	2. Chapter Two

Ryan finds himself days later in the library deeply focused on his new book about the human physiology. The ball proved to be easy to organize and he was happy to let his staff deal with most of it as it wouldn't be anything special. Besides the everyday work of dukedom felt even more urgent this week than weeks before and he was happy to find an afternoon of nothing on his calendar.  
   
His fingers trace the edge of the book in front of him as his eyes wander from the towering decorated Christmas trees in the library to the fireplace and the couches in front of it. It had been difficult not to jump at every opening of the front doors and as the days went on he began to lose hope. Maybe it had all been in his head.  
   
With a frown and a sigh, he flips a page back and tries for the fifth time to remember what's written on the page. His eyes skim the page and he pushes the book back and leans against the back of his chair rubbing his tired eyes.  
   
His mind races with all the things on his agenda and he cannot seem to focus on any of them. It's a swirling mess of things to do and remember and all he can see clearly is the shape of green eyes staring at him. He sighs and gets up from the chair, making his way to the large bay windows overlooking his garden.  
   
The day isn't anything special, the clouds rolling over his perfectly manicured garden seem to hide all the light and the shadows around his trees are long and narrow. Snow hasn't arrived yet, and he longs for the cold days perfect for a muffled walk in his garden. The lush greens of his garden contrast his wishes and seem to mock him. A lone gardener is pruning the bushes in the middle of the garden. What a gloomy sight, he thinks as he rubs his arms absentmindedly as the windows radiate with coldness.  
   
"Your Grace?" A voice behind him asks, a voice he knows to be one of his footmen. He doesn’t move but hums an answer that he heard him. His eyes are locked on the slow and careful movements of the gardener and for a moment he longs to be out there with him without his troubles and worries. Just working silently to make sure the bushes are perfectly circular. What a stupid thing to want, he muses with a frown.  
   
"Sir Free is here Your Grace." The footman behind him states and he hears soft footsteps behind him.  
   
"Your Grace."  
   
Ryan turns around to see Gavin standing almost sheepishly in the doorway. He nods for the footman to leave them and the door closes behind Gavin. For a moment it's silent, both of them lost in thought, Ryan still with his hands wrapped around his arms and Gavin fidgeting with the bag he has with him.  
   
"It's good to see you." Ryan says with a deep sigh as he moves back towards him. "I wasn't sure that you'd-"  
   
He doesn't finish his sentence as he doesn’t know what he wants to say. His throat is tight with the unspoken worry and he rubs his neck tiredly.  
   
"I promised I'd be here Your Grace." Gavin says hastily and takes a step forward. "I'm sorry if I have caused any worry for you."  
   
"It's Ryan." Ryan reminds him and smiles. "It's alright, I've got a tendency to worry. Got lots on my mind and all."  
   
"Understandable." Gavin's voice is soft as he moves towards him. "Being a duke not content with just parties and hunting must get overwhelming."  
   
Ryan laughs, and his eyes linger on the way Gavin's eyes light up. He feels wonderfully vulnerable around Gavin, his laugh dying in his throat as he locks eyes with him.  
   
The distance between them is almost electrifying as his laughter dies down.  
   
Gavin's eyes are curious and almost dancing in the light pouring through the windows as the clouds part.  
   
Ryan's breath is tight in his chest, his hand clenched around the backrest of his chair.  
   
Gavin licks his lips, and Ryan's eyes dart to them. What would they feel like, would Gavin taste sweet, his mind races.  
   
"Uh-" He clears his throat and tears his eyes away from Gavin's, pushing off the chair and moving away from him. "You can practice here if that's alright with you?"  
   
He doesn't look back at Gavin and it takes a while before he hears soft footsteps behind him. He motions him over to the grand piano in the corner of the room by large windows. He lays his hand on the smooth surface of the piano and runs his fingertips over the grains.  
   
"I'm going to be reading, if that's alright." Ryan asks casting a glance at Gavin who walks around him to inspect the piano. His eyes linger on the way Gavin runs his fingers across the top, playing a few notes to make sure it's tuned.  
   
"If the noise doesn't bother you?" Gavin asks tentatively. Unsurely again.  
   
"It'll be fine." Ryan says, not admitting to the way his heart longed to hear Gavin play again. He pats the piano softly before letting Gavin get to his practicing.  
   
Ryan walks back to his desk, now utterly aware of how far he is from Gavin. He watches Gavin sit down behind the piano as he sits down as well. The books in front of him are open but he cannot tear his eyes away from the way Gavin sorts his sheets and the way a small frown appears between his brows as he shuffles to get comfortable on the bench. Ryan looks down just before he can see Gavin turn to face him, pretending that he's reading the books in front of him.  
   
He swears his soul breathes in fresh air as the first tentative notes echo in the room. He feels lighter and at peace as he finally manages to get engrossed in the books as Gavin's music dances and swirls around him, feeling like they dance and swirl within him.  
   
He is roused from his reading what feels like an eternity later when he hears those familiar notes from Gavin's earlier performance. He knows it's not much later as the light levels have barely changed but he feels like he's in another dimension as he lifts his gaze of off his book and looks over at Gavin.  
   
He swears Gavin's divine as the rays of light pour through the large windows to illuminate Gavin deep in concentration playing. Ryan's not sure how he got up but he's on his feet moving slowly towards the piano, towards the man with magic in his hands, in his soul, in his music.  
   
Ryan's throat is dry, and his heart threatens to leap out of his chest but he doesn't stop, he feels like he cannot stop. His steps are light and soundless on the thick carpet.  
   
Gavin is even more breathtaking up close, bathing in the light with his fingers moving as if moved by the gods themselves. His eyes are almost closed, feeling the music not just reading it as he sways slightly in tempo with the notes. Ryan's feet stop only a step away from Gavin as he sways to the rising notes playing around him like a storm and he swears his feet lifts off the ground. His eyes cannot leave Gavin as he moves with precision and care and yet so much tenderness. It's as if Ryan is in the presence of a deity, all thoughts of his own rank and title forgotten in reverence.  
   
Gavin's fingers slow down and finally halt after the last heart wrenching note plays in the room. He breathes hard and opens his eyes, finding Ryan standing so close. Gavin's eyes widen with surprise and he turns around on the bench with eyes filled with curiosity and something Ryan cannot place. Ryan sees Gavin's eyes dart to his lips, this time lingering instead of averting.  
   
Gavin opens his mouth to say something and the dam bursts. Before a single syllable leaves Gavin's mouth Ryan grabs him, pressing his lips against his with a hunger and need he's never felt before. Gavin's face is soft under his hands, his lips stunned but so tantalizingly sweet against his.  
   
Ryan breaks away to breathe and looks at Gavin's stunned face. Gavin's eyes are closed, and his mouth is slightly open and as Ryan starts to move away Gavin opens his eyes and Ryan sees the same hunger he knows as his own reflected in those green eyes.  
   
Gavin is quick and lurches forward and wraps his arms around Ryan as he kisses him back. Ryan moans as Gavin runs his fingers through his hair tugging ever so slightly. Gavin's lips twitch as if to a smile as Ryan deepens the kiss. Gavin is sweet and warm against him and he pulls him up from the bench, pulling him flush against him.  
   
Gavin breaks for air, substituting Ryan's lips for his neck. Ryan's grateful he opted out of his collared shirt today as Gavin peppers small kisses down his neck, one of his hands tugging his head the other way so Gavin has more space to work with.  
   
The moan that escapes his mouth is long and soft as his own hands travel down Gavin's sides, memorizing the way Gavin moves and feels against him even clothed.  
   
"Are we doing this here?" Gavin murmurs against him, his breath heavy against his neck as Ryan shivers.  
   
"I've got a better idea." Ryan says, pulling away from Gavin with considerable difficulty. He straightens his hair and clothes; watches Gavin do the same before leading him back towards the door. "Follow my lead."  
   
Gavin nods as he falls behind him as Ryan throws the door open.  
   
"Your Grace?" the footman outside the thick door bows at him.  
   
"I'll be showing Sir Free around. I wish not to be disturbed so I can focus on being a good host." Ryan explains and as the footman scuttles away Gavin leans against him in the shadows, pressing his lips close to his ear.  
   
"A good host huh?" he whispers.  
   
"You'll see." Ryan murmurs back running his hand behind Gavin and squeezing his ass. Gavin giggles softly as Ryan moves and he follows him through the hallways.  
   
Ryan's step is quick and as he knows the shortcuts it takes no time before he opens the door for Gavin and they step into his private quarters. Gavin looks around in awe at the large room with seating and desks as Ryan closes the heavy door behind them.  
   
Gavin squeals as Ryan grabs him and lifts him. Gavin's legs wrap around him, both of them hard against each other. Gavin grinds down as Ryan grabs his lip between is teeth tugging slightly.  
   
Ryan walks them over to his bedchamber, letting himself fall on his large bed with Gavin. The rich velvet moves under them, smooth and warm in the dim room. He's careful of taking his weight off him as he towers over Gavin who seems to have had most of his air knocked out. Ryan leans in and kisses him, trailing kisses down his jaw and neck. Gavin squirms underneath him and he groans as Gavin’s hand reaches between them and grabs him.  
   
Gavin whines as Ryan grabs his wrist easily in his but his whine turns into a gasp as Ryan pulls his hands above his head. Gavin's eyes are wide and dark with lust and Ryan can see how labored his breath is by the way his chest heaves.  
   
"What should I do with you." Ryan murmurs nipping at Gavin’s earlobe, kissing the corner of his jaw. Gavin squirms underneath him clearly desperate of something, inpatient and eager just as Ryan wants him.  
   
"Take me." Gavin moans his voice breathless and needy. "Take me Your Grace, Ryan. Take me."  
   
Ryan groans at the sound of his own name spilling over Gavin's lips and he swoops in and kisses him hard. Gavin moves against him, not passive and yet so submissive to him that it makes him twitch in anticipation.  
   
Ryan pulls away and stands by the bed watching Gavin sprawled on the bed. Gavin's hair is a mess and his clothes are disheveled and Ryan's sure he doesn't look much better himself. The look of Gavin against his velvety bed, sprawled out and squirming with need for him makes him harder than he thought it would.  
   
Gavin raises himself onto his elbows looking at him with lust glimmering in his eyes and his cock straining against his trousers.  
   
"Strip." The order comes low and almost as a growl as Ryan stares Gavin down. Ryan notes the way Gavin's body shivers at his voice. Ryan motions for Gavin to come, to stand in the middle of the room.  
   
Gavin is off the bed standing in front of him with a breathless anticipation as he starts to unbutton his shirt. Ryan's eyes are on his fingers, watching the way the fabric falls off his body layer by layer until he finally unfastens his trousers and his cock springs free, hard and already seeping with precum.  
   
Ryan walks around Gavin slowly admiring him and his toned body. His chest heaves as the seconds drags on. Ryan sees Gavin's eyes follow him in the large mirror in the corner of the room. He takes a step towards Gavin, standing behind him so that Gavin can see him in the mirror and reaches around and grabs his cock.  
   
Gavin groans so loud Ryan can feel it as he leans against Ryan's chest. He sees Gavin close his eyes with a shudder as he moves his hand slowly, carefully and purposefully teasingly. He thumbs the tip of Gavin's cock and Gavin's mouth opens and he throws his head against Ryan's shoulder. Ryan wraps his free arm around Gavin securing him against him.  
   
"Open your eyes." He growls in his ear and Gavin's entire body shudders as those green eyes meet his in the mirror. Ryan picks up speed, his hand now getting Gavin closer to the edge with every skillful tug, and he watches how Gavin unravels with every single one. Gavin's cheeks are red, he's panting, and his arms wrap around Ryan's arm desperate to hold on and ride it out. He feels the tension in Gavin's body and senses he's close as his hips jerk wildly into his hand.  
   
"Come. Now." He orders and watches Gavin shudder and cum all over Ryan's hand and his own stomach. His arm is strong against Gavin and holds him up as Gavin's knees buckle with his shout.  
   
As Gavin catches his breath Ryan places kisses on Gavin's shoulder, moving to his neck where he can feel his pulse racing in his veins. Ryan brushes the sweaty hairs off his forehead and watches Gavin slowly regain his footing and open his eyes to stare into his through the mirror.  
   
"Gorgeous." Ryan murmurs against Gavin's neck as Gavin's hand sneak up and caress his face.  
   
Gavin turns in his arms and kisses him. He's soft and tender against him with his hands cupping his face. Ryan breathes softly as Gavin nestles against him. Ryan's arms are around Gavin, now very aware of the nakedness of Gavin against him and he's thankful for the roaring fire in the room so he doesn’t freeze.  
   
Gavin moves, presses his hands against Ryan's chest and pushes him towards the bed. Ryan moves with him, and sits down as his legs hit the edge of the bed. Gavin's between his legs, his lips so soft and sweet against him, his tongue dancing with his. Their breaths are heavy and entangled, and Ryan reaches for him as Gavin breaks away.  
   
"What are you doing?" Ryan asks softly, confused as Gavin reaches and starts unbuttoning his shirt. Gavin only shushes him with a kiss, his slender fingers making quick work of the intrigue fastening of his petticoat and he throws it away, before his hands move to his trousers.  
   
Ryan's hard against the fabric and he groans as Gavin’s hands ghost over him to pull down his pants. He sits on the edge of the bed with his shirt on, before Gavin's hands roam up his chest and pull even that away. Gavin is warm against him as he comes closer, his lean body fitting so well between his legs as his hands roam across his chest.  
   
"Beautiful." Gavin whispers as if to himself as his eyes trace his fingers across Ryan's chest. Ryan's breath is heavy and hard as he watches Gavin, his eyelashes casting shadows and partially hiding those beautiful green eyes from him. Ryan's hand cup Gavin's and he pulls him in for a kiss.  
   
Gavin moves away from him and drops to his knees between his. Ryan's breath gets caught in his throat as Gavin looks up at him as he takes his cock into his hand. All the lust he suppressed since Gavin walked into that library floods him as Gavin moves his hand on his cock and Ryan can't help but to throw his head back with a guttural noise as Gavin’s lips kiss the tip of his cock.  
   
Gavin's mouth is warm and tight around him as he proceeds to bob his head down. Ryan's hands grab the bed crumpling the sheets in his fists as Gavin sucks him hard before starting to move rhythmically. The noises that escape Ryan's mouth are sinful as Gavin’s free hand reaches and cups his balls, massaging them and timing it so that Ryan cannot escape the encompassing pleasure flowing through him.  
   
Gavin looks up at him through his eyelashes and Ryan growls as he watches Gavin lick his way up his length and wrap his lips around him. Ryan's hand releases the sheets he sits on and he tangles his fingers into Gavin's hair and tugs gently only to gasp at the sensation of Gavin’s moan vibrating around his shaft.  
   
His hand guides Gavin, and he nears his edge with every bob. His moans and his thrusts are erratic, and he shouts as he cums. His hand releases Gavin's head and he struggles to catch his breath as Gavin swallows, licks his lips before licking him clean. Ryan pants and grips Gavin and brings him up to his level before kissing him. He can taste himself on Gavin and he feels Gavin’s smile against him.  
   
"What?" Ryan asks as he pulls away and smiles at Gavin who's practically beaming at him.  
   
"Nothing-" He says with a small kiss on his lips, "-it was just better than I even dreamed of."  
   
"You dreamed about this?" Ryan asks and pulls Gavin close, placing kisses across Gavin's chest. Gavin laughs softly tangling his hands into Ryan's hair, massaging his scalp with soft and slow movements.  
   
"Every moment since I saw you." Gavin says softly, and Ryan looks up at Gavin's face still beaming with ecstasy. His eyes are wide, as if they're greener than he noticed before and filled with admiration and love.  
   
"Me too." Ryan whispers almost unsure if his words will carry. Gavin's smile widens, and he leans in to kiss him. It's tender and soft, no hurry anywhere. Just enjoying each other and comforting each other in the fact that neither of them are going anywhere.  
   
"Stay?" Ryan asks breaking away from the kiss, his hands drawing circles on Gavin's back.  
   
"As long as you want me." Gavin says with a smile that mirrors Ryan's and squeals with laughter as Ryan smile turns into a grin and he pulls Gavin down on the bed with him. Their limbs tangle together as Ryan flips Gavin underneath him and kisses him.  
   
"Always." Ryan smiles against Gavin's lips as he leans back to watch Gavin's face. Gavin's eyes roam across his face, memorizing it. He reaches up and pulls Ryan back down to kiss him.  
   
Ryan's never felt so light in his entire life.  
   
 


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update is a bit early since I've got packing and traveling to do today. We celebrate Christmas on the 24th, so that's why I'm traveling home today. Anyway, here's the new chapter! I hope you enjoy it, let me know if you do! 
> 
> Next chapter will be the epilogue and that's going up on the 25th. Happy reading! <3

Ryan stirs awake later in the evening, confused and dazed as he had not intended to fall asleep. The shadows on the floor tells him it's nearing midnight and he feels pangs of hunger in his stomach.  
   
A warm body lays across his chest and suddenly he remembers it all. Gavin is still asleep, his breath warm against his chest and his fingers splayed against his skin. His hair is disheveled and Ryan cannot see his face from here. He relaxes against his pillows again and runs his fingers softly up and down Gavin's back.  
   
The blanket on top of them is heavy and only halfway pulled up. The rich red velvet is smooth against his legs as they're tangled with Gavin's legs. Ryan smiles, remembering not only their first round but the rounds after it, both of them sweating and panting and wanting, and he twitches under the covers.  
   
He stops, not wanting to deal with that now, trying his best to calm himself as he focuses on tracing a constellation with the freckles on Gavin's upper back. Gavin's fingers twitch against his chest and he stirs awake.  
   
” ...Ryan?" Gavin's voice is raspy from sleep and his body is radiating heat against his. Ryan tightens his grip around Gavin, hugging him closer and he hears him sigh contently.  
   
"I'm here."  
   
"That you are." Gavin mumbles and reaches up to place a kiss on Ryan's jaw. Ryan tips Gavin's head enough to place a soft kiss on his lips. "Morning Your Grace."  
   
"It's just shy of midnight but good morning." Ryan chuckles. "You hungry?"  
   
"Starving." Gavin says with a twinkle in his eye.  
   
"I'll get us something to eat. You stay here." Ryan replies and places kisses on Gavin's forehead and the tip of his nose before extracting himself from the warmth of his bed.  
   
The floor is chilly under his feet as he walks across the room to get his robe from where it's hanging. He pulls on a pair of simple trousers before shrugging on the robe and turning around to see Gavin watching him.  
   
"What?" Ryan asks as Gavin smiles on the bed.  
   
"Just admiring the view." He smirks, and it takes all of Ryan's willpower not to return to the bed and under the covers and make him scream his name. Instead he pats over and kisses him slow and passionately.  
   
"After food I'm going to make you beg." He whispers against Gavin’s lips and he hears his breath hitch in his throat. He pecks a kiss on Gavin's lips and walks out to the seating area and towards the doors.  
   
He opens the door and motions for the footman who stands away from his door and a bit down the hall. He appreciates that his message of not wanting to be disturbed had spread and that his privacy's respected. He knows that the men and women working here respect him, he's made sure to respect and treat them well over the years but it still warms his heart to see them do the same for him.  
   
"Your Grace?" The footman asks him as he sprints to the door. Ryan steps out of the room and closes the door.  
   
"Everything alright in the household?" He asks.  
   
"Everything’s perfect Your Grace." The footman replies with a bow. "With the duchess and the children away at Bath we're managing well even in your absence."  
   
"That's good to hear." Ryan says with a smile. "I seemed to have lost track of the time and missed dinner."  
   
"That's alright Your Grace." the footman answers quickly. "The kitchen has reserved food for you. Do you want it up to your room Your Grace?"  
   
"I'd love that. Also, please make sure there's enough for two; me and my guest."  
   
"Absolutely Your Grace. I'll be sure to forward that, and we'll be up with the food shortly."  
   
"Thank you." Ryan answers with a smile and retreats to his quarters as his footman scuttles away towards the kitchen.  
   
Gavin's back where he left him, sitting up and stretching on the bed as he returns to the bedchamber.  
   
"Food should be up in a moment." Ryan says and climbs back up on the bed. Gavin smiles and kisses him softly, letting his fingers roam under Ryan's robe and trace patterns on his chest. "Get dressed."  
   
"Aw." Gavin pouts but Ryan doesn’t give in. He reaches over and tosses Gavin his pants.  
   
Ryan smiles at Gavin's pout and tosses his robe to the bed and pulls a loose white shirt over his head. Gavin hops off the bed and gets dressed just in time.  
   
Ryan opens the door for three of his servants and watches them set up a dinner for two on one of his desks before bowing and leaving them alone. Gavin emerges from the bedroom and follows his lead to sit down and start eating.  
   
"Wine?" Ryan asks and pours himself and Gavin a glass after Gavin's nod. "I'm not much of a drinker but this wine is divine."  
   
"Really?" Gavin asks him as he tears himself a piece of bread.  
   
"Not really." Ryan answers and digs into the steak and mashed potatoes in front of him. "Never really liked the thought of being drunk."  
   
"I can get that." Gavin replies between bites. "That loss of control can be terrifying."  
   
"Yeah, not really keen on getting to know that side of me."  
   
"Scared that people won't like that side of you?"  
   
"More scared that it'll scare me." Ryan says with a smile, almost wishing he hadn't said anything. But instead of laughing Gavin nods.  
   
"What about you?" Ryan ask changing the subject from him to Gavin. It's only partially because he's uncomfortable to talk about it but mostly because he's curious about Gavin.  
   
"Well I like wine as much as anyone. Although I've noticed that year after year I'm not nearly as keen as before."  
   
"Why's that you think?"  
   
"I don't know. I guess I don't see the need for it in a way. I'm more comfortable being myself and talking to people than I was when I was younger. Ever since I moved to London to study music and perform, it's more important for me to be comfortable around people sober."  
   
"So, you're not from London then?" Ryan ask, sipping his drink.  
   
"I'm from a smaller town outside of London. Always dreamed of the big city."  
   
"Was it like you imagined?"  
   
"Not really. Dirtier and more crowded but I wouldn't change my years there. I learned a lot, but in the end, I yearned for open skies and silence."  
   
"I understand that. Never got comfortable in the city." Ryan muses. "Too loud and too crammed. I seem to stop breathing at the city border and start breathing as I leave the city behind."  
   
"You must be happy here." Gavin remarks with a smile.  
   
"I am." Ryan smiles. "What's not to love? Well, the weather could be better but overall it's good here."  
   
Gavin smiles as he finishes his plate and rests his cutlery on it. He picks up his drink and sips it as he watches Ryan finish.  
   
"What?" Ryan asks, almost self-conscious about the way Gavin looks at him. Gavin doesn't answer him, only smiles with a twinkle in his eye. Ryan's breath gets caught in his chest at Gavin's smile.  
   
Ryan eats the last bit of potato of his plate and pushes himself away from the table.  
   
"No dessert?" Gavin asks.  
   
"Not the food kind." Ryan replies and stands up from the table and towers above Gavin still seated and smirks. Gavin grins and before Ryan can get his hands on him Gavin squeals and slips away, darting for the bedroom. Ryan stalks after him, slowly and surely.  
   
Gavin's crawled on the bed looking at him with wide playful eyes as Ryan throws his shirt over his head and tosses it behind him. Ryan hops on the bed and pushes Gavin down on his back as he hovers over him hungry for him and his touch.  
   
Gavin wraps his leg around Ryan's and with a twist Gavin flips him over. Gavin moves and straddles him pushing his chest down as Ryan tries to lift himself. With a smug smile on his face Gavin grinds down on him and a soft groan escape Ryan's mouth.  
   
"I'm going make you beg for it." Gavin says with enough conviction to convince Ryan. Ryan's hands grasp Gavin's hips and he smirks up at Gavin, radiant and gorgeous in the flickering light.  
   
"I thought it was me who's going to make you beg?" Ryan asks and moves his hips holding Gavin in place. The soft and thin fabric of their trousers did nothing to mute the sensation, in fact the cool silkiness only made him harder. Gavin closes his eyes above him, the shadows long and deep in the dimly lit room. Ryan sees him gasp, his mouth open and Gavin's hands reach down to rest on top of Ryan's own hands on Gavin's hips.  
   
"Not fair." Gavin gasps his voice already dark.  
   
"Who said anything about fair?" Ryan asks with a smirk, rolling his hips watching Gavin's chest move with his breath. "Ask nicely and I'll consider it."  
   
"Please." Gavin gasped immediately all shame out of the room. "Please let me ride you, let me make you feel so good you'll forget your own name. Please."  
   
"Since you asked so nicely." Ryan drawls and rolls his hips once more before releasing Gavin's hips. He rests his hands by his side as he watches Gavin compose of himself on top of him. Ryan can't get over the way the light flickers on his skin, illuminating him in golden tones and enhancing his beauty.  
   
Gavin leans down and kisses him. Ryan kisses him back, twirling his tongue like he discovered Gavin liked earlier and Gavin’s hands grasp his, interlacing their fingers. Gavin's chest is against his own and he feels Gavin hard against his own hardness.  
   
Gavin's hands leave his, but Ryan doesn't move them. Gavin continues to kiss him as his fingers find the hem of his shirt and he pulls it off of him in one swoop. Ryan flops back down watching Gavin remove his own shirt with hungry eyes. His hands reach up and he runs them along Gavin's side's as Gavin reaches down to pull Ryan's trousers off.  
   
When he's finally undressed Gavin pulls his trousers off again. Ryan lays against the pillows admiring Gavin as he crawls back up the bed peppering kisses on his legs, his inner thighs and Ryan moans. Gavin skirts around his cock and moves to kiss his chest. Ryan's disappointed sigh is only met with a smile as Gavin kisses him finally on the lips passionate and hungry.  
   
Gavin straddles Ryan and it takes all his willpower not to just flip them over. Gavin seems to be in no hurry, his movements calculated and slow and Ryan twitches against his own stomach as Gavin straddles him again.  
   
Gavin's removes his hands from him and moves them above Ryan's head with a look Ryan understands. Don't move. Ryan interlaces his fingers behind his head and leans back. Gavin smiles and Ryan watches Gavin lean back, letting his own hands travel down his body. Ryan watches Gavin slip a finger into his own mouth, getting it wet and slip it inside of him.  
   
Gavin's mouth falls open and his eyes close as Ryan watches him tease himself, working himself both up and open. Ryan's fingers are clutching each other as he fights the urge to touch. Gavin moves against his thighs but it's not close enough and Ryan knows Gavin's teasing him on purpose.  
   
A moan escapes Gavin’s mouth and Ryan twitches knowing Gavin's inserted another finger. He's so radiant, moaning and moving above him. His skin is glistening in the flickering light and his breathy moans vibrate in Ryan's chest making him warm in more than one way.  
   
Gavin opens his eyes and for a moment he freezes as he looks at Ryan gazing at him with a fiery hunger burning inside him and white knuckles behind his head. Gavin smirks, leans forward and grabs Ryan's cock with a firm grip that makes Ryan groan loudly.  
   
He sees Gavin lather him with oil and Ryan lingers on the feeling of cold oil on his cock. His chest is tight with anticipation as Gavin finally moves and aligns himself.  
   
Gavin doesn't break eye contact as he lowers himself onto Ryan. Ryan's breath gets caught in his throat and escape as a groan as Gavin moans above him. Gavin's eyes are locked onto his, the want and lust clearly visible in the greenness as he slowly lowers himself until he's flush against Ryan.  
   
Ryan breathes heavily as Gavin adjusts to being filled. Ryan's fingers itch he wants to touch, he wants to hold Gavin, but he plays along. Gavin rests his hands on his chest as he lifts himself off slowly and slams back down. Their moans mix together as Gavin throws his head back in ecstasy.  
   
Gavin continues with a steady pace, his hands firmly on Ryan's chest. Ryan's eyes cannot get enough of that same face of concentration he's fallen in love with as Gavin bounces up and down his skin glistening and his mouth hanging open.  
   
Gavin shifts in his lap and suddenly he feels him sink deeper and Ryan all but growls at the yelp of delight from Gavin. His hands twitch, now grasping onto the pillow as he bites his lip. He's so close and he wants to reach up. Gavin's so far and yet so close.  
   
"Gavin-" He moans.  
   
"What is it?" Gavin asks breathy.  
   
"Gavin, I need-" Ryan frowns as his words fail him and get stuck in his chest. His need is almost painful, his body shivering with it.  
   
"Ask me nicely." Gavin smirks as he twirls his hips and Ryan cries out.  
   
"Gavin please, I need to-" Ryan groans not sure what he needs the most. "Just please."  
   
"Since you asked so nicely." Gavin smirks and it doesn’t take a second before Ryan sits up and tilts Gavin back in his arms. Gavin gasps as the angle changes and hits him so right with every thrust. Ryan's hands support Gavin as he rides away and his lips roam Gavin's chest as he bounces in his lap. Ryan growls mix with Gavin's breathy moans as they skyrocket towards the edge together.  
   
"Come for me." Ryan commands his voice gruff and deep against Gavin's neck as he grasps Gavin's cock and pumps him with a firm and fast grip. It doesn't take more than a few pumps before Gavin shatters in his lap, screaming his name into the night. Ryan thrusts up twice more and he follows Gavin off the edge.  
   
Ryan pulls Gavin with him as he lays back down and pulls him close to him. Gavin's still shaking as Ryan pulls the covers over them and holds Gavin close to his chest until he feels him return.  
   
"Did you say something?" Ryan asks unsure if he heard anything at all. Gavin's fingers trace patterns on his chest and he feels him smile against him.  
   
"I told you so." Gavin repeats louder this time and smirks at him, resting his chin against his chest. Ryan laughs and feels Gavin laugh with him.  
   
"Proud of yourself?" He asks.  
   
"Absolutely." Gavin answers with that same proud smirk.  
   
"Good. Because I'm going to return the favor as soon as I can move again."  
   
"All according to my plan." Gavin laughs and reaches up to kiss him.  
   
\---  
   
Ryan awakens the next day alone. The coldness of the sheets by his side is alarming as he sits up in his bed. The light shining from his bed is bright and colored in the shades of a sunrise and his panic over the emptiness in his room subsides as he walks out of his bedroom and into the seating area.  
   
Gavin seems small out on the balcony. His golden hair glimmering with the shades of the sunrise as he hugs his arms closer to him in the early morning coldness. Ryan wraps his robe around him and carefully steps outside to the balcony and wraps his arms around Gavin.  
   
Gavin's entire body relaxes in his arms as he leans against Ryan's chest. The sunrise in front of them casts long shadows in the garden below and Ryan watches a flock of birds fly over the forest in the distance.  
   
"Morning." Gavin says softly running his hands over Ryan's arms before resting his arms around Ryan's arms.  
   
"Morning. You're up early." Ryan answers quietly pressing a soft kiss on the side of Gavin's neck.  
   
"Thought I'd see the sunrise." Gavin replies with a twinge of sorrow in his voice.  
   
"You didn't wake me."  
   
"You looked so peaceful. I didn't want to ruin that." Gavin replies with a soft smile as he interlaces their fingers together. "Although I'm happy you're here now."  
   
"Me too." Ryan smiles. "I've seen the sun rise over the gardens for as long as I can remember. It never seems to lose that magic."  
   
Gavin's silent in his arms lost in his thoughts. Ryan doesn't say anything, he just holds Gavin close as they watch the sun rise slowly over the garden and illuminate them in golden tones. Ryan doesn’t say it out loud, but he feels so light that if he wouldn't be holding Gavin, he's sure he'd fly away.  
   
"You mean what you said before?" Gavin says softly, still looking out at the sun, but Ryan gets the feeling he's not even seeing it. "About me staying."  
   
"Yes." Ryan's answer is immediate and heavy around them. "For years I've walked these halls alone and for years that's been okay by me. I never wanted anything more, I never thought I'd find anything more. I got my chance with the duchess, but as you know that didn't work out. I shouldered the responsibility to spare her."  
   
"But now?" Ryan continues slowly, weighing the words individually to make sure they carried the weight they should. "After spending the night with you? I'm not sure if I'm able to go back to that. I've seen the sun Gavin, I've seen it in you. After all the years walking alone in the shadows I feel like this morning is the first I see for real. It's more than waking up from a dream. It's like I've shifted dimensions, it's like I've moved from the shadows to the light, a place I can't be without you. Without you I'll burn in the light."  
   
"I'm not saying you have to stay." Ryan's voice is fragile and soft, so quiet he's not sure if he speaks out loud at all. "I'm saying if you choose to say, if you choose to take this step, I'll be here with you for every step. It's not going to be easy or pretty, in fact it might be the opposite. I know that I've seen the light for the first time in years with you, I don't know if that's the same for you. But- know that you're like the sun in the sky for me Gavin. Like a breath of fresh air, like the stars that glitter in the night sky."  
   
Ryan falls silent, his heart hammering in his chest like waves pushed ashore by a storm. Gavin is still in his arms, his breath even but Ryan cannot face to look at him. Ryan watches the sun's steady rise above the horizon. The light is warm on his face.  
   
"I made my choice days ago." Gavin finally says. His thumb brushes soft circles into Ryan's hand. "That's why it took me so long to come back the first time."  
   
"I wanted to come back the moment I left. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. All I thought about was you. And it scared me beyond anything. It's been years since someone occupied my thoughts as much and it didn't end beautifully. It ended with lies and hurt and tears."  
   
"I sat on my bed, trying to decide what to do. I sat at the inn, trying to decide, I walked in the forest, trying to decide. I sat by the lake trying to decide. And I saw the sunrise- so steady and sure as it rose above the water. And I knew. I knew it from the start. From that first glance. I knew that I had to take that step if it was possible. Do you know why Ryan?"  
   
"Why?" Ryan's voice is strained as he asks.  
   
"Because I saw your light. You talk about shadows like they're wrong or bad, but for me they're beautiful. The child of light and dark, the true beauty in this world. You have light inside of you, you have darkness inside of you, you have shadows. I do too."  
   
Gavin turns in his arms and he's face to face with him. Gavin's eyes are sparkling with emotion and his hands are trembling as one of them reach up to cup Ryan's face and the other presses against his pounding heart. His heart and mind race as he looks into those dancing green eyes.  
   
"So as long as you'll have me-" Gavin whispers "-I'll be right here."  
   
Ryan kisses Gavin, his lips soft and carrying all the weight he cannot put words on. Gavin's steady against his trembling soul as they move as one, their hearts beat as one and for a glorious moment Ryan's lifted so high he swears his feet leave the ground.  
   
"Always." Ryan whispers against Gavin's lips, his brow furrowed with intense emotion. "I'll always have you."  
 


	4. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this epilogue got out of hand and I had to cut a few things to make it more manageable. I hope that you've enjoyed this story, it grabbed me by my soul so although this is the last chapter there might be one-shots in this same universe sometime in the future. But for now, this is the last chapter with these two. It's crazy how this story just burst out of me like someone blowing up a dam, it's crazy that it's been two weeks and I've written, edited and published a 15k fic. And I cannot state how thankful I am for all the kudos and comments, there's days when those are the only things getting me to open my computer to write. So hats off to you guys, I love you so much! <3
> 
> But without further ramblings from an emotional lady, Merry Christmas and happy reading! I hope I'll see you around! *hugs*

   
"Do you think it'll snow?"   
   
Gavin turns around from where he had been gazing out over the quickly darkening garden. Ryan looks up from where he's buttoning his shirt by the mirror.   
   
"I don't know." Ryan replies with a small smile. "I sure hope so."  
   
"Me too." Gavin sighs as he walks over to Ryan and snuggles against him. Ryan wraps his arms around Gavin and places a small kiss on top of his head, his hair for once not unruly but neatly combed. "It smelled like it might snow earlier."  
   
"Did it?" Ryan hums against Gavin, breathing in his intoxicating scent. Gavin's hands rub circles on his back, an already familiar and comforting habit. Gavin nods his answer, burying his face deeper into Ryan's shirt. "Nervous?"  
   
"A bit." Gavin confesses, his voice muffled against Ryan's chest and for a moment his arms tighten around Ryan. Ryan wraps himself tighter around Gavin, pressing a kiss wherever he can reach.   
   
"You'll be radiant." Ryan whispers. "You always are."  
   
"I'll be fine as long as you'll be there." Gavin whispers back.   
   
"Always." Ryan says. "You know that right."  
   
"Yes." Gavin’s reply carried with it a smile that latches on to Ryan's face.   
   
\---  
   
The ball itself is a grand spectacle, guests from all over the world and foods to die for. Ryan doesn’t care much about that, all he can think of is the performance after dinner. His eyes meet with Gavin's as he sits on the other side of the table from him, deep in conversation with a man he recognizes as a minister.   
   
The duchess sits beside him, sipping her drink and watching him. As much as he longed to be seated next to Gavin, to share in the discussion he knows he can't, neither can the woman next to him. He sees her eyes get drawn to her lover, seated as far from her as Gavin is from him.   
   
It comes as a blessing as the call comes to move to the ballroom. He sees Gavin rise up from the table with the rest of the guests as Ryan and the duchess stand up. His eyes lock with Gavin's and he hopes he sends him all the courage he needs, as he cannot go to him right now. He tears his eyes away at the last possible moment before leading their influential guests over to the room next door.   
   
He mingles with them, glancing at the shining grand piano moved to the front of the ballroom and his heart dances in anticipation. His altogether ordinary conversation with one of the lesser earls is gratefully interrupted by his steward who ushers him and the duchess to their gilded chairs to the front of the room. He sits down and watches his wife lower herself to her chair with concentration to not ruin her exuberant dress.  
   
"Your Graces, ladies and gentlemen. Sir Free." the stewards voice booms over the chatter silencing them. He bows at Ryan and the duchess before moving away from the grand piano.   
   
He nods and smiles at Gavin, encouraging him to step forward from the corner of the room. Gavin's eyes are locked to his as Ryan watches Gavin step forward and after a small bow take his seat behind the piano. Ryan's heart is already bursting with happiness, eagerness and unadulterated pride as he watches Gavin organize the notes in front of him although Ryan knows these songs pour out of Gavin's soul with or without the papers.   
   
The crowd around him hushes as Gavin's first note rings out and Ryan can't help but to lean back in his chair, closing his eyes in the tidal wave of music rolling out of Gavin. These are songs Ryan's heard day after day in his library. There's comfort in those notes, and the memories they roll with them. The first day, the smiles later in the library, the books he's read when Gavin plays, the laughter, the dancing, the kisses. They all drown him with a strength he didn't realize the notes had.   
   
A round of applause indicates that a song ended. Ryan smiles with his entire soul as he claps with the rest of them and he sees Gavin has only eyes for him. How he longs to rush up and envelop him, to tell him how much he loves him. Instead he smiles, and presses one of his hands on his heart.   
   
"Your Graces, ladies and gentlemen." Gavin says surprising them all. "I have written a new song for this ball, a song that I will perform now if you're willing."   
   
"I insist!" The duchess beams by his side and the crowd murmurs their agreeance.   
   
"You're too kind Your Grace." Gavin says with a nod. "This new song is titled Sunrise."  
   
Gavin sits back down with that familiar furrowing of his bow as a hush falls over the room. Ryan leans forward, resting his weight on his arms as he looks at Gavin. He's unfamiliar with this song.  
   
Gavin's fingers dance on the keys like their moved by the heavens and all that is and ever will be. There's a lightness of his movement, of the music that makes Ryan sway in his chair and as the song dances around him he's as light as the first time he heard Gavin play. The song itself, a melody so sweet and tender, so intimate, so familiar flows around him with vivid colors.   
   
He gasps as he realizes what he's hearing. Bits of the first song he heard Gavin play intertwine with this new melody and although he was certain before that that song had been the most beautiful song in the universe, this new melody outshines it by miles. His heart aches as he watches Gavin play like he's baring his soul and Ryan feels his own soul long for Gavin.   
   
The song climbs and climbs, mimicking that familiar, vivid and stable rise of the sun all those days ago. The song wraps around him like his arms had wrapped around Gavin, a stability of the melody rocking him higher and higher, lighter and lighter until a final note echoes in the silent room like a promise left unsaid. A promise of continuity, of stability and of warmth.   
   
The room is silent for a second, then two. Ryan's heart is threatening to leave his chest as he breathes heavily, his eyes glued to Gavin’s, who opens his and stares at the quiet room.   
   
The applause is deafening and for a moment Ryan is paralyzed by the look of surprise on Gavin's face. He wants to scoop him up and drown him in compliments and truths about what his music makes him feel, make him not surprised about people cheering for him and his magic. Instead he gets up a tad clumsily to stand with his wife who's wiping tears of her face.   
   
"He's marvelous, isn't he?" The duchess whispers to him as they watch Gavin take a tentative step out from behind the piano and bow. Ryan turns to face her and sees the knowing smile on her face and the twinkle in her eye.  
   
"He is." Ryan replies as the guests around them start to move and mingle with each other’s. He recognizes that knowing look in her eyes. "What is it?"  
   
"He makes you so happy." She replies with a smile so true and pure it reminds him of the first time he met her all those years ago when they were merely children. "And I can see that you make him happy."  
   
"I should've known you had your hand in this." He replies softly to avoid prying ears.  
   
"Is it so wrong to wish my husband the same happiness he wished me?" She replies in turn and grasps his hand in hers. "You deserve to be happy. I'm sure you'll find it with him, he seems like he's an astounding man."  
   
"That he is." Ryan answers with a smile and turns back to watch Gavin gather his sheet music in his hands. He casts a smile at him and watches Gavin smile back with that same twinkle in his eyes. "So, you know about it?"  
   
"I've known from the first time he performed here-" she says. "-from the first time I walked in on you talking in the library. It's obvious, it's an electricity in the air around you two. If it's my blessing that you're after you should know it's been yours for weeks now. I'm serious, you've blessed me with happiness in a situation that you didn't have to. We both know that I would've been miserable, and you gave me the freedom to be happy. It's only fair I do the same."  
   
He envelops her in a hug and kisses her hand with a smile.   
   
"You'll always be in my heart." Ryan says quietly.   
   
"As you are in mine." She replies with the tender softness of all their years together. "And it's not like anything will change. I'll be here, you'll be here, the children will be here. All that changes is that you'll be happy and not moping around in the corners and in dark rooms."  
   
"I did not!" Ryan protests with a laugh.   
   
"You didn't what?" Gavin asks as he approaches them with a polite bow of his head. "Your Graces."  
   
"The duchess claimed that I moped around before I met you." Ryan explains.  
   
"Oh, even I could see it you Your Grace." Gavin replies with a smirk. "As I recall it, you were brooding over the garden when I arrived to practice that first time."  
   
"See?" The duchess laughs and clasps her hand on Ryan’s.   
   
"The only thing I see is you two ganging up on me." Ryan answers with feigned hurt and joins in on their laughter.   
   
Gavin's arm brushes against his as they watch the duchess bid her goodbyes and leave to mingle with the guests. Ryan sips the glass of wine in his hand as he makes tired small talk with the guests that approach him. To his great pride and happiness, a fair number of the guests head straight for Gavin to complement him and his music as well as talk to him about music in general.   
   
Ryan finds great comfort in the warmth that radiates from Gavin as they stand side by side in the ball room.   
   
\---  
   
"Walk with me?" Ryan asks softly, his hand brushing against the back of Gavin's hand. It's been hours since his performance and Ryan's feeling the weight of the night on his shoulders. All these meaningless conversations with uninteresting people. Gavin looks up at him, his green eyes more like a forest than before under these sharp lights of the ballroom.   
   
"Of course, Your Grace." Gavin replies, the corner of his mouth twitching ever so slightly.  
   
The guests have already started to disperse around the edges of the rooms and the balcony that is illuminated by the light pouring out of the ballroom. Ryan leads Gavin to the side room where he spots the duchess in a lively discussion with some of their guests. He nods at the earls and ladies standing near him and he moves past them as he sees them bow and curtsy out of the corner of his eye. He holds the side door open for Gavin and as he steps through after him the darkness of the corridor they're in allows him to breathe deep.  
   
"You alright?" Gavin asks, his fingers intertwining with Ryan’s.   
   
"Quite, large crowds are an occupational hazard." Ryan says leaning in and resting his forehead against Gavin’s. Gavin is warm and stable next to him and Ryan feels his shoulders relax and sink back to where they're supposed to be. "Love you."  
   
"Love you too." Gavin whispers and his smiling lips brush against Ryan's, not unsure or tentative, but soft and in no hurry. Ryan pulls Gavin closer, he can taste the wine on his lips and on his breath. Gavin moves, his tongue dancing with his slowly and tenderly, as if there's no one else in this universe than the two of them.   
   
Ryan's in no hurry as he breaks off and just rests against Gavin, both of them silent and still in their embrace. The corridor is dark and empty, the soft sounds of the party going on beyond a few doors are muffled. Ryan rakes his fingers through Gavin's hair, so soft under his fingers. Gavin's eyes are closed as Ryan places a soft kiss on the tip of Gavin's nose.   
   
Their steps echo in the narrow staircase as they descend to the ground floor, their fingers interlaced and their shoulders brushing together. Ryan pulls Gavin softly with him to the coat closet and they pull on their coats as it had gotten colder as the sun set hours ago.  
   
Gavin looks gorgeous in his black coat hanging over his tailored suit and his scarf, golden and thick around his neck is as divine as Ryan sees Gavin be. His ruffled hair stands as he adjusts his scarf so that it covers his ears. Ryan stops tying his wine-red scarf around his neck as he watches Gavin pull on the leather gloves he gave him as an early Christmas present and they look as good on him as he thought they might.   
   
"Stop staring." Gavin says with a smirk, raising his eyes from his gloves.  
   
"Never." Ryan says with a smile, tying his scarf around his neck and grabbing his black gloves as they move out from coat closet, walking past the kitchen and the kitchen staff hard at work. Ryan grabs one of the chocolate confectioneries from one of the trays and holds his hands up as his head cook scolds him playfully.   
   
The door out to the back garden is dark, the party going on floors above them and the balconies from the ballroom face the front of the house. Ryan knows there's nobody out this late and in the cold, so he grabs Gavin's hand in his as he pushes the heavy wooden door open.   
   
Gavin gasps as he walks past him into the now snow-covered garden. Ryan smiles so wide he thinks he might break as he watches Gavin's eyes widen as he looks up at the night sky peaking between the large clouds still powdering the ground with large snowflakes. One of the snowflakes gets caught on Gavin's eyelashes as he looks around them. Ryan's never seen anything as gorgeous as this, the man of his dreams joyous about snow and the awe on Gavin's face imprints on Ryan's soul.   
   
"It's so delightful Ryan!" Gavin exclaims looking at Ryan staring at him. Gavin freezes as if he sees Ryan for the first time and as the snow falls around them Gavin's eyes twinkle and shine in the light of the large moon hovering above them, peeking through the clouds.   
   
Gavin throws himself at Ryan, his hands cupping Ryan's face as Ryan pulls Gavin closer, their kiss filled with need and a hunger for the other. Gavin's warm against him, their labored breathing creating small clouds around them as the world close around them. Their clumsy in their thick coats, their scarfs in the way and yet it's so perfect, just right and just as it should be.   
   
Gavin's eyes twinkle at him like jewels under lights as Ryan opens his eyes. Gavin's gaze is soft, his soul spilling out of his eyes, radiating love and tender gloved fingers brush Ryan's cheek.   
   
"It's magical." Ryan whispers, not sure if he's referring to the moment, the snow or Gavin in his arms. Gavin laughs, making his eyes twinkle even more and Ryan smiles at the way his face lights up.   
   
"What a cliché." Gavin says with a smile as he steps back and looks around him. "All of this, the beauty of the company and the scenery. I feel like I've heard stories like this."  
   
"So what." Ryan says and walks up to Gavin, grabbing his hand in his and starting to slowly meander down the path between the trees. "If this is a cliché, I'm happy for all the others that have ever felt like this."  
   
"Me too." Gavin says softly, his eyes lingering on Ryan. "I must admit it's been years since I saw snow like this."  
   
"I guess it doesn't snow like this down south." Ryan muses looking over the white blanket over everything, covering the trees and making the rounded bushes look like dessert treats.   
   
"No." Gavin answers. "I hadn't realized it would be so silent."  
   
Their footsteps rustle in the fresh snow, the sound muted as is all other sounds. The snowfall is silent, almost drowning in its absoluteness. The animals have taken shelter, the only two moving creatures around is them. The party in the house behind them seem so far away, removed, as if in another dimension.   
   
"It's different than rain is it not?" Ryan says softly, tracing a slow-moving snowflake down until it hits the path in front of them. "The rain is violent, harsh and loud. The snow on the other hand is like feathers, it's soft and yet as muffling as a blanket on top of everything."  
   
"It's like the entire universe just breathes for a moment." Gavin chimes in, his voice soft and silent as otherwise it would be too loud. "Is it like this always?"  
   
"More or less." Ryan laughs. "The first snowfall is special, it's somehow more magical than the others but that magic never goes away all together."  
   
"I'm glad." Gavin says with a wide smile. "I look forward to seeing more of them."  
   
"You will." Ryan laughs. "Remind me to take you skating when the ice freezes."  
   
"I'm not sure I'll be good at it." Gavin says. "Never skated before."  
   
"It's not hard." Ryan assures him with a smirk. "I wonder if you're as graceful on the ice as you're everywhere else."  
   
"I'm sure you'll flatter me no matter how good I am or am not."  
   
"I don't plan on ever stopping flattering you." Ryan says and leans in for a kiss. Gavin smiles against his lips.   
   
The house is far away as they look up again, so small and covered by the snowfall that for a moment Ryan contemplates on never turning back and just walking with Gavin to the end of the world. The trees around them form snowy umbrellas and every now and then they hear clumps of snow fall of the thin branches.   
   
Against all the whites, the white of the ground, the trees, the air and the sky, their black coats stand out. The air is still, the snowflakes falling around them like a curtain shielding them from the world and Ryan's heart rests as his hand squeezes Gavin's. Gavin leans against his arm, grasping his arm with his free hand and hugs it tightly against him as they watch the world get progressively more snowed in.   
   
"My toes are falling off." Gavin whispers after a moment that feels like an eternity. He looks up at Ryan, the smile on his face almost sad. "I don't want to go though."  
   
"The snow will be here tomorrow." Ryan says softly squeezing his hand. "There'll be more nights with more snow, more walks and I promise you I'll be here for them. But if you're cold we should go in, it's probably late already."  
   
Gavin smiles, taking a last peek over the vastness of the garden before they start to make their way towards the house on the hill. Gavin never lets go of his arm, leaning against him for the same stability and warmth Ryan got from him earlier. Ryan takes it slow, in no hurry to get back to the house although the cold nips his nose already.   
   
The door to the kitchen is stiff and cold as they reach it and they brush off most of the snow that's rested on their clothes and in their hair. Two footmen rush over from the kitchen to take their jackets and scarves to dry, and they meander to the table that's dwarfed by the amount of food and dishes from upstairs.   
   
"Your Grace, do you require something?" His steward emerges from the hallway, bowing slightly when he sees them by the table. "The guests have left or retired mostly already, the duchess is retiring as well."  
   
"That's great." Ryan replies and steps to the side as a footman walks in with dishes. "I'd love if someone could draw a bath in my quarters, it's quite cold outside. Otherwise I think we're alright-" a quick glance at Gavin, who nods at him "-otherwise I'm perfectly alright to have everything that can be left for tomorrow be left, it's late and I know you want to retire for the night as much as I do."  
   
"Very well Your Grace." The steward replies with a smile. "I'll get the bath drawn and relay your kindness to the others."  
   
He walks out of the room as Ryan watches the tower of dishes on the table. Most of the servants had already left for bed or up to clean as Ryan notices it's already past midnight. They'd stayed outside longer than he thought, and he understands why they had started to get cold.   
   
"Your Grace, Sir." The head cook says as she sees them. "Are you hungry?"  
   
"I'd love a warm drink if your stove is still warm." Ryan says and Gavin nods beside him. "Otherwise you'll free to retire. It's getting late already."  
   
"It's still warm enough for me to make you something to drink." she smiles, and pats over to the stove. "There's still food on the table that I've yet to put away so if you're hungry dig in. I'll put the rest away and then retire. I can manage the dishes tomorrow morning."  
   
Ryan makes himself a sandwich as Gavin picks himself leftovers on a plate. Two cups of steaming cocoa slide in front of them as the cook resumes putting away the rest of the leftovers. Gavin's leg is warm against him as they eat in a comfortable silence as the cook shuffles around the kitchen until the last piece of cake is put away. They thank her and promise to shut the light as they leave.  
   
Finishing their snack and drinks they stand up, Ryan remembers to shut the light as they move out of the kitchen. On their way up they bump into the steward who informs them the bath is ready and that the rest of the servants have retired. Ryan assures him it's alright for him to retire as well, and they watch him walk down as they continue their way up to their private quarters.  
   
As he was promised the bath steams in the bathroom to the side of the bedchamber as they enter. Ryan moves to the side, lighting golden candelabras on the side table as he hears Gavin's footsteps behind him move to the tub to check the water. Ryan glances at him over his shoulder and watches Gavin watch the ripples on the surface of the water as he moves his hand.   
   
The large windows to the other side of the room face the dim garden, lit by the moon hovering over the white blanket covering the world. Ryan thinks about it, but doesn’t move to shut the curtains. He doesn't want to blind himself or Gavin of the beauty of the scene outside.  
   
The room is silent as they both move around, lighting candles and taking of clothes. Ryan makes sure he's got all he needs by the tub before stripping naked. He sees Gavin move towards the bedchamber as Ryan shakes free of his trousers and places a hand on the edge of the porcelain tub in the middle of the room.   
   
The water is warm and envelops him like a blanket or a hug as he steps into the tub and lowers himself against the porcelain. He watches Gavin close the door to the bedchamber, and sees how the light in the room shifts as the only light sources are the candelabras to the side of the room. Ryan's fingers grasp the edges of the tub as he watches Gavin walk over.   
   
Gavin's eyes twinkle as if to say, "Room for me?" but no words escape his lips.   
   
Ryan nods not trusting his voice, unsure if his voice would disturb the warm feeling around him. Gavin smiles, and as Ryan shifts in the tub he steps in and sits down opposite him. The water is warm around them both and Ryan's hand drops under the water to rub lazy circles on Gavin's leg.   
   
Gavin smiles, his eyes tired and he sinks into the water so that only his head is above water. The steam from the water dance around them with the same tempo as the candles flicker casting long and soft shadows around the room. Ryan feels like he's submerged in Gavin's notes, warm, stable and encompassed in love as he traces Gavin's facial features with his gaze.   
   
Ryan's limbs are heavy, and he knows that if it wasn't for the water carrying most of his weight he'd be a pile of tired bones and meat. Gavin's eyelids are heavy, and Ryan moves to sit up. He reaches for the washcloth and lathers it with foaming soap and motions for Gavin to sit up.   
   
The foam leaves clouds on Gavin's skin as Ryan moves the washcloth around his arms and neck, watching Gavin sigh and lean into the touch. Gavin's hand grasps Ryan's knee under the water as Ryan moves him around so he can wash his back. A gasp leaves his mouth as Ryan scrubs him clean of the day.   
   
Gavin's eyes sparkle, more awake now as he grasps Ryan's hand when Ryan's almost done. Gavin takes the cloth from his hand wordlessly and dips under the water to clean it and himself of the lather before lathering the cloth again. The cloth is heavy and warm on his skin as Gavin runs it across Ryan's skin.  
   
Ryan's eyes travel across Gavin's face as he's so close to him, paying attention only to the washing. The light from the candles dance across Gavin's face, making the shadows move and caress Gavin's face. His long eyelashes casts shadows on his cheeks and a soft and small frown told Ryan of his concentration. But his features are softer, more relaxed than they have been in a while.   
   
Ryan leans in and presses a soft kiss on Gavin's lips surprising him. Gavin leans in to the kiss, their noses bumping into each other. Ryan's hand reaches up and cups Gavin's neck anchoring himself to him. Gavin's wet hand is on Ryan's cheek the droplets running down his face.   
   
Gavin brushes their noses together with a smile that makes his eyes twinkle like stars on a cold night as they break apart. Ryan allows Gavin to finish washing him and he ducks under water to clean himself from the lather before standing up and offering Gavin a hand.   
   
Ryan pulls Gavin up with ease handing him one of the soft towels to dry off. Gavin wraps it around him and walks over and reaches up to kiss him. He's warm from the bath, his skin soft and still damp against Ryan's as Gavin pulls Ryan closer. Ryan's hands wrap around Gavin, and he leans into the warmth.   
   
There's no words uttered as they break for air, Ryan's eyes glued to Gavin's. Gavin's hand takes Ryan's, interlacing their fingers as he pulls Ryan with him to the bedchamber, blowing out the candles as they go.   
   
The bedchamber is colder as they walk in, the only light pouring in from the moon shining over the garden. Gavin pulls Ryan to the bed and Ryan kisses him softly, caressing his face as he shrugs of the towel and climbs in between of the warm and soft sheets, pulling them to the side for Gavin.   
   
Gavin slides in next to him, his legs intertwining with Ryan’s under the heavy blankets. The snow outside their window continues to fall as Gavin rests his head on Ryan, both watching the outside coldness from the comfort and warmth of their bed. Ryan's head is heavy as he leans against the pillows, his fingers tracing soft circles on Gavin's back. He feels Gavin place a soft kiss on his chest, before interlacing his fingers with Ryan's. Ryan kisses the top of Gavin's head, comfortable and at peace in the large and soft bed with the man of his life in his arms.   
   
As the soft flakes fall outside he hears Gavin's breath get quieter and even and Ryan falls asleep with a smile on his face and a light soul.


End file.
